Question 31,

Are there any standards you feel you have to live up to?
Yes, theres TONS. Well, with friends- I feel like SOME my friends expect me to like look nice everyday and look perfect and have my hair perfect and have like a pretty outfit when i think - Whats the point?No one to impress. They won't say it obviously, but just the things they'd say like you look crazy today or like your hair looks messy today or this and that like um its only school am i suppose to come with a fricking party dress to learn? NOOO. Its just annoying, like I hate feeling like people expect me not to look messy sometimes, to not care how i look. Like shoot -_- ! Also, this thing with my family ! Its like i gotta put up different covers and mask for each person. My dad, He's one of the main reasons why i try and do good in school, he tends to talk about me a lot to his friends, saying how smart i am and how I'm on the road to success and how i have no boyfriends and I'm not like other teenagers and stuff. But once i make on mistake like a NORMAL teenager its like he goes bizarre. And yes i understand I'm his little girl and whatever the case is but he just doesn't let me makes mistakes ! And i feel like my parents focus on the BAD i do, but NEVER acknowledge the good i do ALL the time pretty much. I feel like they should be proud of me, because honestly if he REALLY knew what kids do now and days and compare to things I DO he'd be proud but he doesn't see how much of a good kid i really am. And also another thing, i would say honestly with having pretty much no role model i do really good as a kid. School is my FIRST priority but yet he seems as if he's disappointed cause I hang out with boys, or just simple stuff. My MOM - I hate how she NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER acknowledges anything i do, she ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS focuses on bad stuff i do and brings it up all the time. And she ALWAYS compares me to others and just says how perfect this person is and that, but she never rewards me for the things i do, the grades i get in school, how grown I've become and just anything like that and i hate it ! Sometimes i just feel like crying because i hate being compared because HONESTLY SPEAKING - i DO try, everything i do is just to try and get ONE little compliment out my mom, even if its just a simple i'm proud of you. She always compares me to herself to when she was little but um I PLAN ON FINISHING COLLEGE ! She always talks about how she had to grow up fast because she had 6 younger siblings to care for- growing up poor but she just doesn't meet me halfway and see my side of stuff. My Aunt, she just looks as me as the smart, kind, mature neice. Once she finds out I like a little bit of eyeliner she gives me a whole lecture and whatever. I HATE how she treats me SOOOOOOOO MUCH differently than all my other cousins because she expects so much of me. I don't mind her expecting stuff from me but she doesn't understand i want to be treated equally as my cousins. Able to have a boyfriend and hang out with friends without getting in trouble and thinking I'm trying to grow up to fast or whatever ! I guess she just dont want me to ruin my future with boys like how my cousin did with having a baby really young and not going to college. But i AM going to college and stuff like that and i just wish she would treat me differently.